DEMOTIVATIONAL Sayings~Happy PAZA! (Post Apocalyptic Zombie Aftermath): or, Merry Christmas!

We all knew this day was coming…Judgement Day…the End of Days…God’s Wrath…Apocalypse…Zombies…Armeggeddon…Shopping Mall Frenzy…Relatives…Charoling…Sweaters…Fruit Cake…Pets that fart!

STOP THE MADNESS!!!

[breath]

I’m O.K….and you will be too after reading and sharing the following collection of memes with friends and family. Joy to the World, except douchbags and primadonnas types (I think God has other plans for you).

1 - demotivational-posters-when-i-bite-into-a-cough-drop

2 -demotivational-posters-thats-what-she-said

3 - demotivational-posters-tin-foil-hats

4 - demotivational-posters-the-s

5 -demotivational-posters-symbolism

6 - demotivational-posters-pork-brains7-demotivational-posters-karma

8 -demotivational-posters-overly-attached-girlfriend

9-demotivational-posters-a-disgusting-creature

10-demotivational-posters-at-dawn-we-ri

11-Gun Rack

12-demotivational-posters-good-aim

13-demotivational-posters-if-youre-that-rd-person14-demotivational-posters-impregnated-with-alien-squid

15-demotivational-posters-like-a-boss

16-demotivational-posters-simplicity

17-demotivational-posters-spoilers

18-demotivational-posters-success

19-demotivational-posters-the-secret-is-out

20-demotivational-posters-the-witch-is-dead

21-demotivational-posters-nope

22-demotivational-posters-memories

23-demotivational-posters-amish-paradise

24-demotivational-posters-carpooling

25-demotivational-posters-serving-tea

26-demotivational-posters-Stewart

27-demotivational-posters-vision

28-Mountain Bike29-Laziness Level 100

30-Ignorance

ghfool

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Another Man’s Tale of Shopping at Target

I have no source to attribute this too, but it was too funny not to post. Enjoy!

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target.

Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out.

Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women – she loves to browse.

Yesterday my  dear wife received the following letter from the local Target:

 

Dear Mrs. Harris,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store.

We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:

1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people’s carts when they weren’t looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women’s restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official  voice,’Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away’.

This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money. We don’t have a Code 3.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a ‘CAUTION – WET FLOOR’ sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he’d invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, ‘Why can’t you people just leave me alone?’ EMTs were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the ‘ Mission Impossible’ theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his ‘Madonna look’ using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled ‘PICK ME! PICK ME!’

14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed ‘OH NO! IT’S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!’

15. October 26: Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where is the fitting room?

And last, but not least:

16. October 29: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, ‘Hey! There’s no toilet paper in here.’ One of the clerks passed out.

ghfool (source unknown)