I need counseling. I follow a lot of Mommy Bloggers (Bloggerincesses) and greatly admire their creative and humorous take on motherhood and children. So I need your ladies’ help. I also shine the bat signal for any other assistance from Daddy’s, pets and any other living organisms.

Through no action of my own, I am an Occasional Parent. And what I mean by that is that I don’t get to see my kids as often as I’d like and as a result have less influence and interaction than I wish. But enough about that. My three sons (aka “The crazy-ass monkeys”)(ages 11, 8 & 6) will be flying into Texas (not Wizard of Oz monkey flying…but I wouldn’t be surprised) to spend six weeks with me starting this Saturday. And after my initial two reactions of “Yay” and “WooHoo” the thought of “OMG” creeps in. And then it sits there in my brain toying with me, cackling and howling with joyous laughter at my potential failure to control my three, wild and crazy primates.

So I put together a list of things to do to manage the situation, but I really need your input. Here are my initial thoughts:

1)      Feed them lots of SUGAR. Kids love sugar, right?

2)      Give them a beer every morning with their breakfast. Works for me!

3)      Tell them a lot of stories about my High School and College mischief. It will only prepare them for the inevitable.

4)      Watch Die Hard over and over and over again. It does have a happy Christmassy ending!

5)      Talk about the birds and the bees. (see #3 above)

6)      Teach them how to play Texas Hold’em. That way I won’t have to cheat like usual.

7)      Send them on a Snipe Hunt. This will provide me with at least a 30 minute break.

8)      Kill a deer in the front yard, hand them each a knife and say “That’s your dinner; gut it, skin it and I’ll cook it!”

9)      Give them flashlights after dark and tell them to find one of the lost Seven Cities of Cibola. Another nap opportunity.

10)   Threaten that if they don’t behave then I will make them watch “The Ring” again!

11)   Tell them to chase the sunset.  ‘nuff said.

12)   Make them clean the roof and chimneys.

13)   Do an “Easter egg Hunt” type activity, but instead of eggs, they will be searching for Fire Ants, Scorpions and Rattlesnakes. They each get a basket.

14)   Give each of them a hammer and nails and tell them to repair the deck. Videotape for YouTube.

15)   Put them all in a canoe on the river with nothing but a bible. Wait to see what God does.

I welcome any other suggestions. Please comment below. (and follow by providing your email address)

To read previous installments of this series click here: OOPs – Chapter 1

P.S. I would like to acknowledge that my good friend bloggerincesses, frugalistablogdotcom and Funny Pregnant Lady both nominated me for a blogger award and I sincerely thank them and need to do my follow-up honors. Coming soon.


12 comments on “OBSERVATIONS of an OCCASIONAL PARENT (OOPs) – Chapter 2

  1. I think u have this down pat – u r on the right path! One more thing-make sure u reward them for bad behavior-oops 2 more things-say NO then give in after they whine for a long time! Hope u bought a few cases of wine too hold u over?! It will be great when u send them home or they write about it in their school summer journal! Future blog writers?!? Great material for them…;-) lol (u did some great research there!)

    • I actually didn’t do any research. That all came to me in a matter of minutes. I’m a fisrt draft writer. And you know the wine will be flowing. Thanks, sw!

  2. Seriously… i think i tinkled… 9, 10, 14 and 15 I think are self-motivated (naps, money, and testing existentialism, dad fun)… the others may actually prove to have the 6 weeks lessened to 1 day observed visits… all jokes aside — NEW FAN!! love it!
    Enjoy the monkeys, my friend

  3. Hi GHF…will be at the mountain for solstice 6-8:30pm. If the monkeys are here, bring them. Climbing the mountain burns energy in a most positive way for all of us. To the ever growing LIGHT in each & everyone of us ❤


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